diff --git a/src/main/java/com/hbm/blocks/generic/BlockCanCrate.java b/src/main/java/com/hbm/blocks/generic/BlockCanCrate.java
index dfd145801..f9b27c5a8 100644
--- a/src/main/java/com/hbm/blocks/generic/BlockCanCrate.java
+++ b/src/main/java/com/hbm/blocks/generic/BlockCanCrate.java
@@ -5,12 +5,14 @@ import java.util.List;
 import java.util.Random;
 
 import com.hbm.items.ModItems;
+import com.hbm.items.food.ItemConserve.EnumFoodType;
 
 import cpw.mods.fml.client.registry.RenderingRegistry;
 import net.minecraft.block.Block;
 import net.minecraft.block.material.Material;
 import net.minecraft.entity.player.EntityPlayer;
 import net.minecraft.item.Item;
+import net.minecraft.item.ItemStack;
 import net.minecraft.util.ChatComponentText;
 import net.minecraft.world.World;
 
@@ -47,38 +49,34 @@ public class BlockCanCrate extends Block {
     	
     	return true;
     }
-
+    
+    public ArrayList<ItemStack> getDrops(World world, int x, int y, int z, int metadata, int fortune) {
+    	ArrayList<ItemStack> ret = new ArrayList<ItemStack>();
+    	
+    	int count = quantityDropped(metadata, fortune, world.rand);
+    	for(int i = 0; i < count; i++) {
+    		Item item = getItemDropped(metadata, world.rand, fortune);
+    		if(item != null)
+    			ret.add(new ItemStack(item, 1, damageDropped(metadata, world.rand, item)));
+    	}
+    	
+    	return ret;
+    }
+    
+    //pain
+    public int damageDropped(int meta, Random rand, Item item) {
+    	if(item != ModItems.canned_conserve)
+    		return damageDropped(meta);
+    	else
+    		return Math.abs(rand.nextInt() % EnumFoodType.values().length);
+    }
+    
     @Override
 	public Item getItemDropped(int i, Random rand, int j) {
     	
     	List<Item> items = new ArrayList();
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_beef);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_tuna);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_mystery);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_pashtet);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_cheese);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_jizz);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_milk);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_ass);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_pizza);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_tomato);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_tube);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_asbestos);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_bhole);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_hotdogs);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_leftovers);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_yogurt);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_stew);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_chinese);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_oil);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_fist);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_spam);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_fried);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_napalm);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_diesel);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_kerosene);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_recursion);
-    	items.add(ModItems.canned_bark);
+    	for(int a = 0; a < EnumFoodType.values().length; a++)
+    		items.add(ModItems.canned_conserve);
     	items.add(ModItems.can_smart);
     	items.add(ModItems.can_creature);
     	items.add(ModItems.can_redbomb);
diff --git a/src/main/java/com/hbm/crafting/WeaponRecipes.java b/src/main/java/com/hbm/crafting/WeaponRecipes.java
index 9f7d88441..23f081219 100644
--- a/src/main/java/com/hbm/crafting/WeaponRecipes.java
+++ b/src/main/java/com/hbm/crafting/WeaponRecipes.java
@@ -7,6 +7,7 @@ import com.hbm.inventory.fluid.Fluids;
 import static com.hbm.inventory.OreDictManager.*;
 
 import com.hbm.items.ItemAmmoEnums.*;
+import com.hbm.items.food.ItemConserve.EnumFoodType;
 import com.hbm.items.ModItems;
 import com.hbm.items.weapon.GunB92Cell;
 import com.hbm.main.CraftingManager;
@@ -307,7 +308,7 @@ public class WeaponRecipes {
 		CraftingManager.addRecipeAuto(ModItems.ammo_nuke.stackFromEnum(AmmoFatman.MIRV_HIGH), new Object[] { "NNN", "CDS", "NNN", 'N', ModItems.ammo_nuke.stackFromEnum(AmmoFatman.HIGH), 'C', AL.plate(), 'D', ModBlocks.det_cord, 'S', ModItems.hull_small_steel });
 		CraftingManager.addRecipeAuto(ModItems.ammo_nuke.stackFromEnum(AmmoFatman.MIRV_SAFE), new Object[] { "NNN", "CDS", "NNN", 'N', ModItems.ammo_nuke.stackFromEnum(AmmoFatman.SAFE), 'C', AL.plate(), 'D', ModBlocks.det_cord, 'S', ModItems.hull_small_steel });
 		//since the milk part of the recipe isn't really present in the MIRV's effect, it might as well be replaced with something more sensible, i.e. duct tape
-		CraftingManager.addRecipeAuto(ModItems.ammo_nuke.stackFromEnum(AmmoFatman.MIRV_SPECIAL), new Object[] { "CBC", "MCM", "CBC", 'C', ModItems.canned_jizz, 'B', ModItems.ammo_nuke.stackFromEnum(AmmoFatman.BALEFIRE), 'M', ModItems.ammo_nuke.stackFromEnum(AmmoFatman.MIRV) });
+		CraftingManager.addRecipeAuto(ModItems.ammo_nuke.stackFromEnum(AmmoFatman.MIRV_SPECIAL), new Object[] { "CBC", "MCM", "CBC", 'C', ModItems.canned_conserve.stackFromEnum(EnumFoodType.JIZZ), 'B', ModItems.ammo_nuke.stackFromEnum(AmmoFatman.BALEFIRE), 'M', ModItems.ammo_nuke.stackFromEnum(AmmoFatman.MIRV) });
 		
 		//Flamer fuel
 		CraftingManager.addRecipeAuto(ModItems.ammo_fuel.stackFromEnum(AmmoFlamethrower.DIESEL), new Object[] { " P ", "BDB", " P ", 'P', STEEL.plate(), 'B', ModItems.bolt_tungsten, 'D', Fluids.DIESEL.getDict(1000) });
diff --git a/src/main/java/com/hbm/handler/BobmazonOfferFactory.java b/src/main/java/com/hbm/handler/BobmazonOfferFactory.java
index 82190a842..d561434c7 100644
--- a/src/main/java/com/hbm/handler/BobmazonOfferFactory.java
+++ b/src/main/java/com/hbm/handler/BobmazonOfferFactory.java
@@ -9,6 +9,7 @@ import com.hbm.inventory.gui.GUIScreenBobmazon.Offer;
 import com.hbm.inventory.gui.GUIScreenBobmazon.Requirement;
 import com.hbm.items.ItemAmmoEnums.*;
 import com.hbm.items.ModItems;
+import com.hbm.items.food.ItemConserve.EnumFoodType;
 import com.hbm.items.machine.ItemBattery;
 import com.hbm.items.special.ItemKitCustom;
 import com.hbm.items.special.ItemKitNBT;
@@ -265,7 +266,7 @@ public class BobmazonOfferFactory {
 		
 		special.add(new Offer(ItemKitNBT.create(
 				new ItemStack(ModItems.rod_of_discord).setStackDisplayName("Cock Joke"),
-				new ItemStack(ModItems.canned_jizz, 64).setStackDisplayName("Class A Horse Semen"),
+				ModItems.canned_conserve.stackFromEnum(64, EnumFoodType.JIZZ).setStackDisplayName("Class A Horse Semen"),
 				new ItemStack(ModItems.pipe_lead).setStackDisplayName("Get Nutted, Dumbass"),
 				new ItemStack(ModItems.gem_alexandrite)
 				).setStackDisplayName("The Nut Bucket"), Requirement.HIDDEN, 64));
diff --git a/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/ModItems.java b/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/ModItems.java
index a6800dfab..9617da267 100644
--- a/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/ModItems.java
+++ b/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/ModItems.java
@@ -15,6 +15,7 @@ import com.hbm.items.armor.*;
 import com.hbm.items.armor.IArmorDisableModel.EnumPlayerPart;
 import com.hbm.items.bomb.*;
 import com.hbm.items.food.*;
+import com.hbm.items.food.ItemConserve.EnumFoodType;
 import com.hbm.items.machine.*;
 import com.hbm.items.machine.ItemFELCrystal.EnumWavelengths;
 import com.hbm.items.machine.ItemMachineUpgrade.UpgradeType;
@@ -998,33 +999,34 @@ public class ModItems {
 	public static Item cap_sunset;
 	public static Item cap_star;
 	public static Item ring_pull;
-	public static Item canned_beef;
-	public static Item canned_tuna;
-	public static Item canned_mystery;
-	public static Item canned_pashtet;
-	public static Item canned_cheese;
-	public static Item canned_jizz;
-	public static Item canned_milk;
-	public static Item canned_ass;
-	public static Item canned_pizza;
-	public static Item canned_tube;
-	public static Item canned_tomato;
-	public static Item canned_asbestos;
-	public static Item canned_bhole;
-	public static Item canned_hotdogs;
-	public static Item canned_leftovers;
-	public static Item canned_yogurt;
-	public static Item canned_stew;
-	public static Item canned_chinese;
-	public static Item canned_oil;
-	public static Item canned_fist;
-	public static Item canned_spam;
-	public static Item canned_fried;
-	public static Item canned_napalm;
-	public static Item canned_diesel;
-	public static Item canned_kerosene;
-	public static Item canned_recursion;
-	public static Item canned_bark;
+	//public static Item canned_beef;
+	//public static Item canned_tuna;
+	//public static Item canned_mystery;
+	//public static Item canned_pashtet;
+	//public static Item canned_cheese;
+	//public static Item canned_jizz;
+	//public static Item canned_milk;
+	//public static Item canned_ass;
+	//public static Item canned_pizza;
+	//public static Item canned_tube;
+	//public static Item canned_tomato;
+	//public static Item canned_asbestos;
+	//public static Item canned_bhole;
+	//public static Item canned_hotdogs;
+	//public static Item canned_leftovers;
+	//public static Item canned_yogurt;
+	//public static Item canned_stew;
+	//public static Item canned_chinese;
+	//public static Item canned_oil;
+	//public static Item canned_fist;
+	//public static Item canned_spam;
+	//public static Item canned_fried;
+	//public static Item canned_napalm;
+	//public static Item canned_diesel;
+	//public static Item canned_kerosene;
+	//public static Item canned_recursion;
+	//public static Item canned_bark;
+	public static ItemEnumMulti canned_conserve;
 	public static Item can_key;
 
 	public static Item cart;
@@ -3623,33 +3625,34 @@ public class ModItems {
 		coffee_radium = new ItemEnergy().setUnlocalizedName("coffee_radium").setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":coffee_radium");
 		chocolate = new ItemPill(0).setUnlocalizedName("chocolate").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":chocolate");
 
-		canned_beef = new ItemLemon(8, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_beef").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_beef");
-		canned_tuna = new ItemLemon(4, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_tuna").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_tuna");
-		canned_mystery = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_mystery").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_mystery");
-		canned_pashtet = new ItemLemon(4, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_pashtet").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_pashtet");
-		canned_cheese = new ItemLemon(3, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_cheese").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_cheese");
-		canned_jizz = new ItemLemon(15, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_jizz").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_jizz");
-		canned_milk = new ItemLemon(5, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_milk").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_milk");
-		canned_ass = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_ass").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_ass");
-		canned_pizza = new ItemLemon(8, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_pizza").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_pizza");
-		canned_tube = new ItemLemon(2, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_tube").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_tube");
-		canned_tomato = new ItemLemon(4, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_tomato").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_tomato");
-		canned_asbestos = new ItemLemon(7, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_asbestos").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_asbestos");
-		canned_bhole = new ItemLemon(10, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_bhole").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_bhole");
-		canned_hotdogs = new ItemLemon(5, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_hotdogs").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_hotdogs");
-		canned_leftovers = new ItemLemon(1, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_leftovers").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_leftovers");
-		canned_yogurt = new ItemLemon(3, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_yogurt").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_yogurt");
-		canned_stew = new ItemLemon(5, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_stew").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_stew");
-		canned_chinese = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_chinese").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_chinese");
-		canned_oil = new ItemLemon(3, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_oil").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_oil");
-		canned_fist = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_fist").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_fist");
-		canned_spam = new ItemLemon(8, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_spam").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_spam");
-		canned_fried = new ItemLemon(10, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_fried").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_fried");
-		canned_napalm = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_napalm").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_napalm");
-		canned_diesel = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_diesel").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_diesel");
-		canned_kerosene = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_kerosene").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_kerosene");
-		canned_recursion = new ItemLemon(1, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_recursion").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_recursion");
-		canned_bark = new ItemLemon(2, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_bark").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_bark");
+		//canned_beef = new ItemLemon(8, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_beef").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_beef");
+		//canned_tuna = new ItemLemon(4, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_tuna").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_tuna");
+		//canned_mystery = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_mystery").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_mystery");
+		//canned_pashtet = new ItemLemon(4, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_pashtet").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_pashtet");
+		//canned_cheese = new ItemLemon(3, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_cheese").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_cheese");
+		//canned_jizz = new ItemLemon(15, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_jizz").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_jizz");
+		//canned_milk = new ItemLemon(5, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_milk").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_milk");
+		//canned_ass = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_ass").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_ass");
+		//canned_pizza = new ItemLemon(8, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_pizza").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_pizza");
+		//canned_tube = new ItemLemon(2, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_tube").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_tube");
+		//canned_tomato = new ItemLemon(4, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_tomato").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_tomato");
+		//canned_asbestos = new ItemLemon(7, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_asbestos").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_asbestos");
+		//canned_bhole = new ItemLemon(10, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_bhole").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_bhole");
+		//canned_hotdogs = new ItemLemon(5, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_hotdogs").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_hotdogs");
+		//canned_leftovers = new ItemLemon(1, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_leftovers").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_leftovers");
+		//canned_yogurt = new ItemLemon(3, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_yogurt").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_yogurt");
+		//canned_stew = new ItemLemon(5, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_stew").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_stew");
+		//canned_chinese = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_chinese").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_chinese");
+		//canned_oil = new ItemLemon(3, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_oil").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_oil");
+		//canned_fist = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_fist").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_fist");
+		//canned_spam = new ItemLemon(8, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_spam").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_spam");
+		//canned_fried = new ItemLemon(10, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_fried").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_fried");
+		//canned_napalm = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_napalm").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_napalm");
+		//canned_diesel = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_diesel").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_diesel");
+		//canned_kerosene = new ItemLemon(6, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_kerosene").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_kerosene");
+		//canned_recursion = new ItemLemon(1, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_recursion").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_recursion");
+		//canned_bark = new ItemLemon(2, 5, false).setUnlocalizedName("canned_bark").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned_bark");
+		canned_conserve = (ItemEnumMulti) new ItemConserve().setUnlocalizedName("canned_conserve").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":canned");
 		can_key = new Item().setUnlocalizedName("can_key").setCreativeTab(MainRegistry.consumableTab).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":can_key");
 		
 		cart = new ItemModMinecart().setUnlocalizedName("cart");
@@ -7898,33 +7901,34 @@ public class ModItems {
 		GameRegistry.registerItem(flask_infusion, flask_infusion.getUnlocalizedName());
 		
 		//Canned Food
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_beef, canned_beef.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_tuna, canned_tuna.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_mystery, canned_mystery.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_pashtet, canned_pashtet.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_cheese, canned_cheese.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_jizz, canned_jizz.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_milk, canned_milk.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_ass, canned_ass.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_pizza, canned_pizza.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_tube, canned_tube.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_tomato, canned_tomato.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_asbestos, canned_asbestos.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_bhole, canned_bhole.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_hotdogs, canned_hotdogs.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_leftovers, canned_leftovers.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_yogurt, canned_yogurt.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_stew, canned_stew.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_chinese, canned_chinese.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_oil, canned_oil.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_fist, canned_fist.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_spam, canned_spam.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_fried, canned_fried.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_napalm, canned_napalm.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_diesel, canned_diesel.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_kerosene, canned_kerosene.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_recursion, canned_recursion.getUnlocalizedName());
-		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_bark, canned_bark.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_beef, canned_beef.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_tuna, canned_tuna.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_mystery, canned_mystery.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_pashtet, canned_pashtet.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_cheese, canned_cheese.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_jizz, canned_jizz.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_milk, canned_milk.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_ass, canned_ass.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_pizza, canned_pizza.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_tube, canned_tube.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_tomato, canned_tomato.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_asbestos, canned_asbestos.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_bhole, canned_bhole.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_hotdogs, canned_hotdogs.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_leftovers, canned_leftovers.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_yogurt, canned_yogurt.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_stew, canned_stew.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_chinese, canned_chinese.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_oil, canned_oil.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_fist, canned_fist.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_spam, canned_spam.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_fried, canned_fried.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_napalm, canned_napalm.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_diesel, canned_diesel.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_kerosene, canned_kerosene.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_recursion, canned_recursion.getUnlocalizedName());
+		//GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_bark, canned_bark.getUnlocalizedName());
+		GameRegistry.registerItem(canned_conserve, canned_conserve.getUnlocalizedName());
 		
 		//Money
 		GameRegistry.registerItem(cap_nuka, cap_nuka.getUnlocalizedName());
@@ -8556,11 +8560,45 @@ public class ModItems {
 		addRemap("ammo_75bolt_incendiary", 5541, ammo_75bolt, Ammo75Bolt.INCENDIARY);
 		addRemap("ammo_rocket_canister", 5563, ammo_rocket, AmmoRocket.CANISTER);
 		addRemap("ammo_rocket_phosphorus", 5558, ammo_rocket, AmmoRocket.PHOSPHORUS);
+		
+		//CONSERVE REMAP
+		addRemap("canned_beef", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.BEEF);
+		addRemap("canned_tuna", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.TUNA);
+		addRemap("canned_mystery", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.MYSTERY);
+		addRemap("canned_pashtet", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.PASHTET);
+		addRemap("canned_cheese", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.CHEESE);
+		addRemap("canned_jizz", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.JIZZ);
+		addRemap("canned_milk", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.MILK);
+		addRemap("canned_ass", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.ASS);
+		addRemap("canned_pizza", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.PIZZA);
+		addRemap("canned_tube", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.TUBE);
+		addRemap("canned_tomato", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.TOMATO);
+		addRemap("canned_asbestos", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.ASBESTOS);
+		addRemap("canned_bhole", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.BHOLE);
+		addRemap("canned_hotdogs", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.HOTDOGS);
+		addRemap("canned_leftovers", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.LEFTOVERS);
+		addRemap("canned_yogurt", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.YOGURT);
+		addRemap("canned_stew", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.STEW);
+		addRemap("canned_chinese", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.CHINESE);
+		addRemap("canned_oil", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.OIL);
+		addRemap("canned_fist", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.FIST);
+		addRemap("canned_spam", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.SPAM);
+		addRemap("canned_fried", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.FRIED);
+		addRemap("canned_napalm", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.NAPALM);
+		addRemap("canned_diesel", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.DIESEL);
+		addRemap("canned_kerosene", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.KEROSENE);
+		addRemap("canned_recursion", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.RECURSION);
+		addRemap("canned_bark", canned_conserve, EnumFoodType.BARK);
+		
 	}
 	
 	public static void addRemap(String unloc, int removoingTheseWouldTakeForever, Item item, Enum sub) {
 		addRemap(unloc, item, sub.ordinal());
 	}
+	
+	public static void addRemap(String unloc, Item item, Enum sub) {
+		addRemap(unloc, item, sub.ordinal());
+	}
 
 	public static void addRemap(String unloc, Item item, int meta) {
 		Item remap = new ItemRemap(item, meta).setUnlocalizedName(unloc).setTextureName(RefStrings.MODID + ":plate_armor_titanium");
diff --git a/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/food/ItemConserve.java b/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/food/ItemConserve.java
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..a8a7a5af1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/food/ItemConserve.java
@@ -0,0 +1,143 @@
+package com.hbm.items.food;
+
+import java.util.List;
+
+import com.hbm.entity.effect.EntityVortex;
+import com.hbm.items.ItemEnumMulti;
+import com.hbm.items.ModItems;
+import com.hbm.util.EnumUtil;
+import com.hbm.util.I18nUtil;
+
+import cpw.mods.fml.relauncher.Side;
+import cpw.mods.fml.relauncher.SideOnly;
+import net.minecraft.client.renderer.texture.IIconRegister;
+import net.minecraft.entity.player.EntityPlayer;
+import net.minecraft.item.EnumAction;
+import net.minecraft.item.ItemStack;
+import net.minecraft.util.IIcon;
+import net.minecraft.world.World;
+
+//tfw no multiple inheritance
+public class ItemConserve extends ItemEnumMulti {
+	
+	public ItemConserve() {
+		super(EnumFoodType.class, true, true);
+	}
+	
+	@Override
+	public ItemStack onEaten(ItemStack stack, World world, EntityPlayer player) {
+		EnumFoodType num = EnumUtil.grabEnumSafely(theEnum, stack.getItemDamage());
+		
+		stack.stackSize--;
+		player.getFoodStats().addStats(num.foodLevel, num.saturation);
+		world.playSoundAtEntity(player, "random.burp", 0.5F, world.rand.nextFloat() * 0.1F + 0.9F);
+		this.onFoodEaten(stack, world, player);
+		return stack;
+	}
+	
+	//the fancy enum lambdas and method references and whatever can come later if necessary
+	protected void onFoodEaten(ItemStack stack, World world, EntityPlayer player) {
+		player.inventory.addItemStackToInventory(new ItemStack(ModItems.can_key));
+		EnumFoodType num = EnumUtil.grabEnumSafely(theEnum, stack.getItemDamage());
+		
+		if(num == EnumFoodType.BHOLE && !world.isRemote) {
+			EntityVortex vortex = new EntityVortex(world, 0.5F);
+    		vortex.posX = player.posX;
+    		vortex.posY = player.posY;
+    		vortex.posZ = player.posZ;
+    		world.spawnEntityInWorld(vortex);
+    		
+		} else if(num == EnumFoodType.RECURSION && world.rand.nextInt(10) > 0) {
+			
+			player.inventory.addItemStackToInventory(stackFromEnum(EnumFoodType.RECURSION));
+		}
+	}
+	
+	@Override
+	public int getMaxItemUseDuration(ItemStack stack) {
+		return 32;
+	}
+	
+	@Override
+	public EnumAction getItemUseAction(ItemStack stack) {
+		return EnumAction.eat;
+	}
+	
+	@Override
+	public ItemStack onItemRightClick(ItemStack stack, World world, EntityPlayer player) {
+		if(player.canEat(false))
+			player.setItemInUse(stack, this.getMaxItemUseDuration(stack));
+		
+		return stack;
+	}
+	
+	@Override
+	public void addInformation(ItemStack itemstack, EntityPlayer player, List list, boolean bool) {
+		String unloc = this.getUnlocalizedName(itemstack) + ".desc";
+		String loc = I18nUtil.resolveKey(unloc);
+		
+		if(!unloc.equals(loc)) {
+			String[] locs = loc.split("\\$");
+			
+			for(String s : locs) {
+				list.add(s);
+			}
+		}
+	}
+	
+	@Override
+	@SideOnly(Side.CLIENT)
+	public void registerIcons(IIconRegister reg) {
+		Enum[] enums = theEnum.getEnumConstants();
+		this.icons = new IIcon[enums.length];
+		
+		for(int i = 0; i < icons.length; i++) {
+			Enum num = enums[i];
+			this.icons[i] = reg.registerIcon(this.getIconString() + "_" + num.name().toLowerCase());
+		}
+	}
+	
+	@Override
+	public String getUnlocalizedName(ItemStack stack) {
+		Enum num = EnumUtil.grabEnumSafely(theEnum, stack.getItemDamage());
+		return "item.canned_" + num.name().toLowerCase();
+	}
+	
+	public static enum EnumFoodType {
+		BEEF(8, 5F),
+		TUNA(4, 5F),
+		MYSTERY(6, 5F),
+		PASHTET(4, 5F),
+		CHEESE(3, 5F),
+		JIZZ(15, 5F), // :3
+		MILK(5, 5F),
+		ASS(6, 5F), // :3
+		PIZZA(8, 5F),
+		TUBE(2, 5F),
+		TOMATO(4, 5F),
+		ASBESTOS(7, 5F),
+		BHOLE(10, 5F),
+		HOTDOGS(5, 5F),
+		LEFTOVERS(1, 5F),
+		YOGURT(3, 5F),
+		STEW(5, 5F),
+		CHINESE(6, 5F),
+		OIL(3, 5F),
+		FIST(6, 5F),
+		SPAM(8, 5F),
+		FRIED(10, 5F),
+		NAPALM(6, 5F),
+		DIESEL(6, 5F),
+		KEROSENE(6, 4F),
+		RECURSION(1, 5F),
+		BARK(2, 5F);
+		
+		protected int foodLevel;
+		protected float saturation;
+		
+		private EnumFoodType(int level, float sat) {
+			this.foodLevel = level;
+			this.saturation = sat;
+		}
+	}
+}
diff --git a/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/food/ItemLemon.java b/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/food/ItemLemon.java
index abfd05a2c..a6833860d 100644
--- a/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/food/ItemLemon.java
+++ b/src/main/java/com/hbm/items/food/ItemLemon.java
@@ -78,133 +78,7 @@ public class ItemLemon extends ItemFood {
 		if(this == ModItems.twinkie) {
 			list.add("Expired 600 years ago!");
 		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_beef) {
-			list.add("A few centuries ago, a cow died for this.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_tuna) {
-			list.add("I can't tell if that's actually tuna or dried cement.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_mystery) {
-			list.add("What's inside? Only one way to find out!");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_pashtet) {
-			list.add("услуги перевода недоступны!");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_cheese) {
-			list.add("Is it cheese? Is it rubber cement? Who knows, who cares.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_milk) {
-			list.add("Milk 2: More solid than ever before!");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_ass) {
-			list.add("100% quality donkey meat!*");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_pizza) {
-			list.add("A crime against humanity.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_tube) {
-			list.add("Tasty mush.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_tomato) {
-			list.add("Who wants some thick red paste?");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_asbestos) {
-			list.add("TASTE the asbestosis!");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_bhole) {
-			list.add("Singularity is yum yum in my tum tum!");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_jizz) {
-			list.add("Wait wh-");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_hotdogs) {
-			list.add("Not to be confused with cool cats.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_leftovers) {
-			list.add("ur 2 slow");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_yogurt) {
-			list.add("Probably spoiled, but whatever.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_stew) {
-			list.add("...");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_chinese) {
-			list.add("In China, Chinese food is just called food.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_oil) {
-			list.add("It makes motors go, so why not humans?");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_fist) {
-			list.add("Yowser!");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_spam) {
-			list.add("The three-and-a-half-minute sketch is set in the fictional Green Midget Cafe in Bromley.");
-			list.add("An argument develops between the waitress, who recites a menu in which nearly");
-			list.add("every dish contains Spam, and Mrs. Bun, who does not like Spam. She asks for a");
-			list.add("dish without Spam, much to the amazement of her Spam-loving husband. The waitress");
-			list.add("responds to this request with disgust. Mr. Bun offers to take her Spam instead,");
-			list.add("and asks for a dish containing a lot of Spam and baked beans. The waitress says");
-			list.add("no since they are out of baked beans; when Mr. Bun asks for a substitution of Spam,");
-			list.add("the waitress again responds with disgust. At several points, a group of Vikings in");
-			list.add("the restaurant interrupts conversation by loudly singing about Spam.");
-			list.add("The irate waitress orders them to shut up, but they resume singing more loudly.");
-			list.add("A Hungarian tourist comes to the counter, trying to order by using a wholly");
-			list.add("inaccurate Hungarian/English phrasebook (a reference to a previous sketch).");
-			list.add("He is rapidly escorted away by a police constable. The sketch abruptly cuts to a");
-			list.add("historian in a television studio talking about the origin of the Vikings in the café.");
-			list.add("As he goes on, he begins to increasingly insert the word \"Spam\" into every");
-			list.add("sentence, and the backdrop is raised to reveal the restaurant set behind.");
-			list.add("The historian joins the Vikings in their song, and Mr. and Mrs. Bun are lifted by");
-			list.add("wires out of the scene while the singing continues. In the original televised performance,");
-			list.add("the closing credits begin to scroll with the singing still audible in the background.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_fried) {
-			list.add("Even the can is deep fried!");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_napalm) {
-			list.add("I love the smell of old memes in the morning!");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_diesel) {
-			list.add("I'm slowly running out of jokes for these.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_kerosene) {
-			list.add("Just imagine a witty line here.");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_recursion) {
-			list.add("Canned Recursion");
-		}
-
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_bark) {
-			list.add("Extra cronchy!");
-		}
-
+		
 		if(this == ModItems.pudding) {
 			list.add("What if he did?");
 			list.add("What if he didn't?");
@@ -250,36 +124,6 @@ public class ItemLemon extends ItemFood {
 			player.addPotionEffect(new PotionEffect(Potion.moveSpeed.id, 60 * 20, 1));
 			player.addPotionEffect(new PotionEffect(Potion.damageBoost.id, 20 * 20, 2));
 		}
-		
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_beef || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_tuna || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_mystery || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_pashtet || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_cheese || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_jizz || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_milk || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_ass || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_pizza || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_tomato || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_asbestos || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_bhole || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_hotdogs || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_yogurt || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_stew || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_chinese || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_oil || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_fist || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_spam || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_fried || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_napalm || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_diesel || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_kerosene || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_recursion || 
-				this == ModItems.canned_bark)
-        	player.inventory.addItemStackToInventory(new ItemStack(ModItems.can_key));
-		
-		if(this == ModItems.canned_recursion && world.rand.nextInt(10) > 0)
-        	player.inventory.addItemStackToInventory(new ItemStack(ModItems.canned_recursion));
     }
 
     public ItemStack onEaten(ItemStack stack, World worldObj, EntityPlayer player)
@@ -289,16 +133,6 @@ public class ItemLemon extends ItemFood {
         if(this == ModItems.loop_stew)
         	return new ItemStack(Items.bowl);
         
-
-    	
-        if (this == ModItems.canned_bhole && !worldObj.isRemote) {
-    		EntityVortex vortex = new EntityVortex(worldObj, 0.5F);
-    		vortex.posX = player.posX;
-    		vortex.posY = player.posY;
-    		vortex.posZ = player.posZ;
-    		worldObj.spawnEntityInWorld(vortex);
-        }
-        
         return sta;
         
     }
diff --git a/src/main/java/com/hbm/main/CraftingManager.java b/src/main/java/com/hbm/main/CraftingManager.java
index 2c229c133..98e56e33e 100644
--- a/src/main/java/com/hbm/main/CraftingManager.java
+++ b/src/main/java/com/hbm/main/CraftingManager.java
@@ -22,6 +22,7 @@ import com.hbm.items.ItemAmmoEnums.Ammo5mm;
 import com.hbm.items.ItemEnums.EnumLegendaryType;
 import com.hbm.items.ItemEnums.EnumPlantType;
 import com.hbm.items.ItemGenericPart.EnumPartType;
+import com.hbm.items.food.ItemConserve.EnumFoodType;
 import com.hbm.items.machine.ItemBattery;
 import com.hbm.items.special.ItemCircuitStarComponent.CircuitComponentType;
 import com.hbm.items.special.ItemHolotapeImage.EnumHoloImage;
@@ -895,7 +896,7 @@ public class CraftingManager {
 
 		addRecipeAuto(new ItemStack(ModBlocks.machine_condenser), new Object[] { "SIS", "ICI", "SIS", 'S', STEEL.ingot(), 'I', IRON.plate(), 'C', ModItems.board_copper });
 
-		addShapelessAuto(new ItemStack(ModItems.book_guide, 1, BookType.TEST.ordinal()), new Object[] { Items.book, ModItems.canned_jizz });
+		addShapelessAuto(new ItemStack(ModItems.book_guide, 1, BookType.TEST.ordinal()), new Object[] { Items.book, ModItems.canned_conserve.stackFromEnum(EnumFoodType.JIZZ) });
 		addShapelessAuto(new ItemStack(ModItems.book_guide, 1, BookType.RBMK.ordinal()), new Object[] { Items.book, Items.potato });
 		addShapelessAuto(new ItemStack(ModItems.book_guide, 1, BookType.HADRON.ordinal()), new Object[] { Items.book, ModItems.fuse });
 		addShapelessAuto(new ItemStack(ModItems.book_guide, 1, BookType.STARTER.ordinal()), new Object[] { Items.book, Items.iron_ingot });
diff --git a/src/main/java/com/hbm/main/ModEventHandler.java b/src/main/java/com/hbm/main/ModEventHandler.java
index e06eeb811..75fddf53b 100644
--- a/src/main/java/com/hbm/main/ModEventHandler.java
+++ b/src/main/java/com/hbm/main/ModEventHandler.java
@@ -44,6 +44,7 @@ import com.hbm.items.armor.IDamageHandler;
 import com.hbm.items.armor.ItemArmorMod;
 import com.hbm.items.armor.ItemModRevive;
 import com.hbm.items.armor.ItemModShackles;
+import com.hbm.items.food.ItemConserve.EnumFoodType;
 import com.hbm.items.tool.ItemGuideBook.BookType;
 import com.hbm.items.weapon.ItemGunBase;
 import com.hbm.lib.Library;
@@ -60,6 +61,7 @@ import com.hbm.util.ArmorUtil;
 import com.hbm.util.ContaminationUtil;
 import com.hbm.util.EnchantmentUtil;
 import com.hbm.util.EntityDamageUtil;
+import com.hbm.util.EnumUtil;
 import com.hbm.world.generator.TimedGenerator;
 
 import cpw.mods.fml.common.eventhandler.EventPriority;
@@ -1096,7 +1098,7 @@ public class ModEventHandler {
 	
 	@SubscribeEvent
 	public void onItemPickup(PlayerEvent.ItemPickupEvent event) {
-		if(event.pickedUp.getEntityItem().getItem() == ModItems.canned_jizz)
+		if(event.pickedUp.getEntityItem().getItem() == ModItems.canned_conserve && EnumUtil.grabEnumSafely(EnumFoodType.class, event.pickedUp.getEntityItem().getItemDamage()) == EnumFoodType.JIZZ)
 			event.player.triggerAchievement(MainRegistry.achC20_5);
 		if(event.pickedUp.getEntityItem().getItem() == Items.slime_ball)
 			event.player.triggerAchievement(MainRegistry.achSlimeball);
diff --git a/src/main/resources/assets/hbm/lang/en_US.lang b/src/main/resources/assets/hbm/lang/en_US.lang
index 79d25b8ef..6961ddabf 100644
--- a/src/main/resources/assets/hbm/lang/en_US.lang
+++ b/src/main/resources/assets/hbm/lang/en_US.lang
@@ -1847,32 +1847,59 @@ item.canister_petroil.name=Petroil Canister (LEGACY)
 item.canister_reoil.name=Canister of Reclaimed Industrial Oil (LEGACY)
 item.canister_smear.name=Industrial Oil Canister (LEGACY)
 item.canned_asbestos.name=Canned Asbestos
+item.canned_asbestos.desc=TASTE the asbestosis!
 item.canned_ass.name=Canned Ass
+item.canned_ass.desc=100%% quality donkey meat!*
 item.canned_bark.name=Canned Pine Bark Jerky
+item.canned_bark.desc=Extra cronchy!
 item.canned_beef.name=Canned Beef
+item.canned_beef.desc=A few centuries ago, a cow died for this.
 item.canned_bhole.name=Canned Black Hole
+item.canned_bhole.desc=Singularity is yum yum in my tum tum!
 item.canned_cheese.name=Canned Melted Cheese
+item.canned_cheese.desc=Is it cheese? Is it rubber cement? Who knows, who cares.
 item.canned_chinese.name=Canned Chinese Food
+item.canned_chinese.desc=In China, Chinese food is just called food.
 item.canned_diesel.name=Canned Diesel
+item.canned_diesel.desc=I'm slowly running out of jokes for these.
 item.canned_fist.name=Canned Fist
+item.canned_fist.desc=Yowser!
 item.canned_fried.name=Canned Fried Chicken
+item.canned_fried.desc=Even the can is deep fried!
 item.canned_hotdogs.name=Canned Hotdogs
+item.canned_hotdogs.desc=Not to be confused with cool cats.
 item.canned_jizz.name=FlimFlam Industries Canned Stallion Milk™
+item.canned_jizz.desc=Wait wh-
 item.canned_kerosene.name=Canned Kerosene
+item.canned_kerosene.desc=Just imagine a witty line here.
 item.canned_leftovers.name=Leftover Conserve
+item.canned_leftovers.desc=ur 2 slow
 item.canned_milk.name=Canned Evaporated Milk
+item.canned_milk.desc=Milk 2: More solid than ever before!
 item.canned_mystery.name=Canned Mystery Meat
+item.canned_mystery.desc=What's inside? Only one way to find out!
 item.canned_napalm.name=Canned Napalm
+item.canned_napalm.desc=I love the smell of old memes in the morning!
 item.canned_oil.name=Canned Engine Oil
+item.canned_oil.desc=It makes motors go, so why not humans?
 item.canned_pashtet.name=Паштет
+item.canned_pashtet.desc=услуги перевода недоступны!
 item.canned_pizza.name=Canned Pepperoni Pizza
+item.canned_pizza.desc=A crime against humanity.
 item.canned_recursion.name=Canned Recursion
+item.canned_recursion.desc=Canned Recursion
 item.canned_spam.name=Canned Spam
+item.canned_spam.desc=The three-and-a-half-minute sketch is set in the fictional Green Midget Cafe in Bromley.$An argument develops between the waitress, who recites a menu in which nearly$every dish contains Spam, and Mrs. Bun, who does not like Spam. She asks for a$dish without Spam, much to the amazement of her Spam-loving husband. The waitress$responds to this request with disgust. Mr. Bun offers to take her Spam instead,$and asks for a dish containing a lot of Spam and baked beans. The waitress says$no since they are out of baked beans; when Mr. Bun asks for a substitution of Spam,$the waitress again responds with disgust. At several points, a group of Vikings in$the restaurant interrupts conversation by loudly singing about Spam.$The irate waitress orders them to shut up, but they resume singing more loudly.$A Hungarian tourist comes to the counter, trying to order by using a wholly$inaccurate Hungarian/English phrasebook (a reference to a previous sketch).$He is rapidly escorted away by a police constable. The sketch abruptly cuts to a$historian in a television studio talking about the origin of the Vikings in the café.$As he goes on, he begins to increasingly insert the word \"Spam\" into every$sentence, and the backdrop is raised to reveal the restaurant set behind.$The historian joins the Vikings in their song, and Mr. and Mrs. Bun are lifted by$wires out of the scene while the singing continues. In the original televised performance,$the closing credits begin to scroll with the singing still audible in the background.
 item.canned_stew.name=Canned "Mushroom Stew"
+item.canned_stew.desc=...
 item.canned_tomato.name=Canned Tomato Soup
+item.canned_tomato.desc=Who wants some thick red paste?
 item.canned_tube.name=Astronaut Food Tube
+item.canned_tube.desc=Tasty mush.
 item.canned_tuna.name=Canned Tuna
+item.canned_tuna.desc=I can't tell if that's actually tuna or dried cement.
 item.canned_yogurt.name=Canned Yogurt
+item.canned_yogurt.desc=Probably spoiled, but whatever.
 item.canteen_13.name=Vault 13 Canteen
 item.canteen_fab.name=Fabulous Vodka
 item.canteen_vodka.name=Stylish Flask